Virginia Tech

Ever since this happened, I've been trying to come up with something inspirational, or comforting, or at least with a lesson to be learned from all this. I just couldn't do it.

There's nothing good, or with the potential for good, in this situation. There are no lessons to learn, no "We shall overcome" speach to make, no comfort.

I'm sure other people will come up with lessons to be learned from all this. The holes the mentally ill slip thru, the ease with which they get guns, the ineptness with which the police/college security handled the situation....But these are all things we already know, all lessons we should have already learned.

And what words of hope, of inspiration, can assuage the pain, the loss we all feel? What message can heal the wound, not only of the deaths, the senseless waste of so much energy and potential, but of the devastating reminder that evil triumphs far too often?

America, it seems, is destined to have our innocence shattered, our naivette destroyed, our blinders removed. The Oklahoma City bombing, Sep 11, the wars in Iraq and Afganistan, the tragic loss of so many vital souls at VA Tech, all this and more pile upon us and there is nothing we can point to that helps the pain and the frustration. We can only acknowledge the loss, the relearned lesson that even here, in the most powerful and free country in the world (in our opinion, at least), we are not secure, not immune to evil, and that, at any time, any place, any one of us could be ripped away because of senseless hate.

This is no good.

I love words, and language. I love to work with them, to write them, feel the rhythm, the poetry, and the surge of feeling they evoke. But there is no comfort in them now. Even if I were to express myself at the height of what eloquence I can muster, rather than trudging thru this inadequate composition, they would do no good, teach no wisdom, provide no comfort.

There's nothing to find.

I give up

This part should have been made a while ago, but I didn't know what to say. Tho I can talk about anything and everything, the really troubling things have to whirl around in my head a bit before I talk about them. I need to say that a friend at Poker.com is facing a critical illness and to wish him well. Don't wanna mention names for privacys sake, but just wanna let you know how sorry I am for your situation and that I wish you the very best of luck. From what your wife and daughter say about you, if anyone can beat this you can. I don't believe in prayer, myself, but my parents do, and so I've got them and the church they go to praying for ya.

You're a real stand up guy, one it's easy to like and respect, and you don't deserve this at all. Best of luck, bro. If there's anything I can do.....

Now for the easy part...

I think I'm done with poker. Yes, I've said that before, but every time I've quit, it's been in temper, or "on tilt". This is different. First of all, i start college end of this month, so I won't have time anyway.

I've been on a bad run for probably more than 6 months which has just been TORTUROUS, and haven't really enjoyed the game since I came back 3 months ago. I've been asking myself for a while why I bothered playing when I wasn't having a good time. I still believe I can win at poker, but it's just not worth the frustration and disappointment. And I honestly am starting to believe the bad run wasn't gonna end. Ever.

Not that there's anything wrong with the site. If you want to play online poker, and therapy doesn't solve the problem, then Poker.com is still the best. I've no problem with the site. The reason I've removed the links to the site is so I can keep the blog with out having to look at poker advertisements. (Game's kinda hard for me to walk away from, for some reason.)

I'd suspect I have gambling problems, except I only play poker, and mostly just online. I've never lost any amount of money that was even remotely troublesome to do without, and I willingly step away from the game when something else comes up. (Not a gambling problem, then, a BOREDOM problem. I'll have to work on that.)

I hope (not plan, nothing so definite, I know my lack of will power) to fill the time with exercise, and getting out more. Maybe find a new hobby. I've had the guitar for more than a year now. Maybe it's time.

So, no more poker talk on the site. I think I'll probably use it as a diary and as a way to practice my writing skills. You know, essays, humorous articles, scathing comments about Bush, etc.

Hope you like it!

Premature Evaluation

I spoke too soon. The poker gods have struck again. I wasn't losing my bankroll fast enuff with bad cards, so they changed tactics. Tonite, I lost 4 times with 3 of a kind. once to someone who'd flopped a higher set, but mostly to top pair that caught, or some idiot on a draw that decided heads up was good pot odds. I also lost with a full house. For the longest time I've been on a bad run, sometimes with break of a day or 2 to give me false confidence. For a little bit I win again, but then the bad beats starting rolling again. It's so bad now that if I'm 80 percent to win, I think its a coin flip. I've lost 3/4 of my stack and 90 % of the time it's been coolers, or bad beats. I've got skills, knowledge and experience, and I'm completely helpless.

I must be freaking sick to keep playing this game. Nearly 5 months now I been steady losing with the strategy of playing good poker, and I keep coming back! What the hell is wrong with me, I don't know, but i need a shrink or something. Punching walls, cussing at the tables, venting in the forum, I'm acting like a total jerk.

Here's what poker is doing for me. Taking my money, torturing me and making me feel bad about myself. I'm a good man. I know it. My friends, family and co workers know it. But poker turns me into a whiny, ranting little bitch. It's just so frustrating to keep doing what you're supposed to be doing and losing.

When I start school at the end of April, I'm not gonna have time for poker, and that's probably for the best.

If you're looking for an online poker site. Poker.com is the best around, but to be sure you wanna play online poker, hit yourself in the nuts with a sledge hammer. If you like it, online poker is your thing.

Poker, school, and illness

Back again! I'd taken to playing quite a bit less of poker, as for a couple of weeks, I wasn't able to win no matter what. Was getting VERY frustrating. But I don't seem to be able to quit (shrug) and at least this time I didn't lose much money. Made some questionable posts in the forum, but at least this time I didn't donk away my stack. Growth as a poker player, if not as a person. Still, I think I deserve credit for the posts I typed but didn't post.

Had a couple interesting hands in the 50k Sunday. Fairly early in the tourney, I'd been stone cold dead the whole time (0 for 43, eek!) then I called with pocket 2's in late position and caught trips. There was a raise, a reraise and I went all in. 1 caller WITH HIGHER TRIPS! I'm 4 or 5 percent to win here, theres only a single card that can help me. I'm cursing my luck when wouldn't you know it....2 on the turn. lol.

I did nothing wrong, of course, but still felt guilty about the bad beat. I got fairly deep in the tourney, went out 2 out of the money because...KK ran into AA twice, then my all in with KQsuited ran into AA again. Can't complain TOO much, as I should have been gone earlier, but kinda a cruel way for lady luck to play with me.

So I bought into another tourney and hit the tables for a bit while I waited for it to start. I've been playing very little at the tables, essentially trying to get my buyin for the tourneys back. I've taken so many bad beats lately, and seen so many "WTF rivers" that my confidence is low, and so I'm changing tables a lot to protect my winnings. Feel bad about that, but until Fortuna quits frowning at me, I have to protect myself as best I can.

This time, however, things went much better. Not only did I win my buyin for the tourney, but I more than doubled my buyin at the tables! I didn't know I was allowed to win anymore. Then, to top it off, I made money in the tourney! Could have made a bit more, actually, but I picked up 99 and called a super bluffer when he went all in. He'd been playing really loose, raising with anything and everything, but wouldn't you know it, this time he had a higher pair (Queens) and I was out.

Still, happy to make some money and actually the last few days I've made money so I seem to be coming out of my bad run. There's another one right behind it, of course, but that's poker.

So I've decided to go back to school. I'm gonna get my bachelor's degree and see if I can't get a job that pays enuff for the headaches it gives me. There's a lot of work to do with going back to school and also a lot of stress. I don't handle change well, and this is changing EVERYthing. First, I'm going into debt, of course, to pay for school. 2nd, it's changing my work schedule, 3rd, I'm gonna be broke for a long time. (What student isn't?) 4th I just don't like school. lol. I'm a very curious person, interested in a lot of things, but don't like school. Go figure. Hopefully it will pay off. I'm even nervous about this, as my Associates degree led to me working in a convenience store/restaurant. Cross your fingers for me.

Now to finish up. I've been sick for a few weeks now. First I had a cold that I just couldn't shake and now, I've got sinus headaches and difficulty sleeping. Sheesh, lay off me already, huh?

Alrite, that's all for now. I'll see ya 'round, ok?

The Big Boom Theory

Ok, so according to the Ancient Mayans, the Hopi Indians, the ancient Chinese and a couple Persian cultures, the end of the world is coming in Dec, 2012. The fact that all these separate, disparate cultures pick the same time frame was kinda a giveaway that something major was in the works.

One thing many advanced ancient cultures all had in common was astronomy. They plotted the location of the stars, and predicted thier movements with amazing precision. But, given the propensity for disaster that was such a part of ancient times, pretty much anything significant or unusual was taken to mean something bad was coming. After all, disease was rampant, famine was just around the corner, and even if things were fine today, the world was full of "barbarians" who were just a bad hair day away from invading your lands, stealing your food, women, favorite sandals, etc.

It turns out that on that day, (I think it's Dec 22, but I'm not REAL sure) The Earth, the Sun, and the Galactic Center (where in lies a MASSIVE Black Hole) will all be perfectly aligned. Well, now we know what caused the furor, don't we. But given that the earth revolves around the sun, and the sun revolves around Galactic Center, and given enuff time, this is bound to happen. Unusual, sure, but where's the harm?

On a seemingly unrelated note, there's also the looming possibility of a Pole Shift, which is where the Magnetic Pole shifts and changes the earths rotation, causing wild changes in climate change, as well as more immediate disasters, such as earthquakes, floods, tsunamis and also the Atlanta Falcons to win the Super Bowl, which in turn will cause Hell to freeze over.

Kinda a big day. This happens once every 28,000 years (approx.) and apparently, we're kinda due. Even a small shift will cause major problems for us, and a big shift could spell disaster, perhaps even the end of civilisation, at least as we know it.

Well, I mean, think about it. Tsunamis wiping out coastal cities everywhere, mass extinctions due to destruction of habitat, large areas of the world suddenly freezing over, or drought/ flooding hitting major agricultural areas, causing large food shortages, forests drying up from lack of rain, seas forming in your favorite ball park...On the other hand, Washington DC is near the coast, and so vulnerable to destruction, which could wipe out the US Government, so it's not all bad.

Now to tie it all together.

On the Discovery Channel, they're speculating about the lining up of the Earth, Sun and Galactic Center causing the Pole shift, thinking maybe these cultures knew what was up. We certainly live in interesting times, and I admit it sent a shiver or two down my spine, not only the possible disaster, but these people picking up on it so long ago.

Now, I personally don't buy this, feeling these people saw something unusual coming and assigned disaster to it, as per standard procedure. I don't see how this lining up can cause anything. But I know 2 things.

1. We don't need this celestial oddity for a pole shift to happen, which gives me yet ANOTHER thing to worry about and
2. Come 2012, I'm going all out, just in case. Cause if the worse DOES happen...

I don't need to worry about credit card debt.

Bonzo

So my girlfriend and I are invited to the house of one of her co workers for dinner. I've met her and her husband and they totally rock so I'm looking forward to it.

We walk in the door and are greeted by Bonzo, the worlds largest dog. Seriously, this dog is HUGE. Imagine a dog the size of a car. Now imagine that dog being eaten in one bite by Bonzo. We're talking big. He growls at me, then barks. Standard doggie way of saying "Company's here!" but this dog makes me nervous. I stand 5 feet and 11 inches, and this dog, on all 4 legs, looks me dead in the throat. (gulp) I say "Nice doggie" and wonder if my double chin will protect my windpipe long enuff for me to confess my sins. Probably not, there's a lot of sin to confess, and anyway, "pornography afficionado" takes a loooong time to say.

He's sent out of the room by his masters, and we settle down for some conversation, then move to the kitchen for dinner. Bonzos dish is there, along with Bonzo, and we're all eating dinner at the same time. Bonzo finishes first and he doesn't look full. I THINK he's eyeing my plate, but I'm not totally sure, and what if he's just trying to fool me? I decide to play it smart and I offer him some yum yums. He quickly becomes VERY friendly towards me, and just as I'm thinking I may be safe once his appetite is satisfied, he decides to satisfy a DIFFERENT appetite, and before I know it, I'm the object of a dogs affection.

Or at least my leg is. Now, this isn't the first time this has happened, apparently my leg looks a lot like a bitches ass, but it is the first time it's been with a dog big enuff to make me worry about a messy breakup. But the breakup isn't the only messy possibility here, so I try to pull my leg away. Bonzo's every bit as strong as he looks tho, and he growls again, so I decide to ask for help.

Only to hear them laughingly say "He LOVES you!"

He loves me. Well, now. I gotta say I'm a bit relieved. Because, while we may hurt the ones we love, we rarely EAT them. On the other hand, while I love Bonzo, I'm not IN love with him, and so I'm a bit uncomfortable with the present level of intimacy.

Besides, it could be awkward, socially speaking. For one thing, what if my woman considers this cheating? Sure, it's only a leg, but it's in a compromising position and women have got way upset over that, even when it's a much smaller apendage. For another, what if Bonzo wants more than a one time fling? That could be wierd. I'd say no, of course, (I'm holding out for a dog with a 2 story doghouse) but you HAVE to offer to be friends in this situation, and he'd probably take advantage of that to keep trying. You know, have me over to hang out at the water bowl with the gang ("have a couple of drinks, sniff a few asses, it'll be fun!") but then he'd brag about licking himself (dogs are SO talented) start with the jokes about who invented THAT position, and eventually...he'd be trying to lift a leg.

Anyway, since my hosts aren't going to be helpful, I have to take matters into my own hands. (speaking metaphorically, I DO assure you) and so, distracting Bonzo with one slightly used steak, I take back possession of one slightly used leg. Bonzo thinks it over, then, after a last "what if" look at my leg, he decides to be satisfied with the meat.

Over the course of the night, thanx to Bonzo's generosity of spirit, his affectionate disposition and my own skill at ear scratching we become the best of friends, and Bonzo agreed to put his romantic disappointment behind him. And, with the exception of some crotch sniffing, and one quickly aborted attempt (other leg, this dog really spreads it around!) he is on his best behavior. I'm not sure I trust him, but I told him to call me.

But if, on a moonlit nite, you hear a howl....take a message.

Holy hell, what a night.

Ok, so I come out of work, and my car isn't there. I'm cussing myself for an idiot because I was running late today and left the key in the ignition. I get a ride home and call the cops. They come over to my house and...did you know you need the license plate number for your car to report it stolen? I didn't. I also didn't have it. I know the title is in my house, but I can't find it, and the cop is sitting on my sofa with "this guy is a BIG moron" radiating off his body.

Finally I say, "Look, I'll go to my insurance company tomorrow and get the info, and I'll call you back." He says ok, and gives me his card. Then he leaves. A couple of seconds later, the door buzzes and my brother answers. He comes back with a different cop behind him asking me to step outside. She says my car just pulled up. We get outside and sure enuff, there's my car, with a friend (a title now under SERIOUS danger of revocation) of mine leaning up against it. At this point, I have been vehicle impaired for more than 1 1/2 hours. AT LEAST.
"Dude, what the **** are you doing with my car?"
"I had to give Tony a ride home."
"Who the **** is Tony? And what the **** are you doing with my car?"
I tell the officers this is a friend of mine, that he wouldn't steal, he's welcome to borrow my car, he's just an idiot for taking the car without telling me.The officers tell me that
a) he told them I said he could borrow the car, (No, sir.) that
b) he said he used my car to drive a friend to his home across town (That must be Tony, but the time frame confuses me. you can WALK across town in 30 minutes), that
c) his license was suspended (huh?) and
d) HE'S BEEN DRINKING!!!! (O, I'm beating your ass, I'm beating your ass, I'm beating your ASS!)
The cop says, "I understand how you feel, but I wouldn't recommend it. And anyway, you can't do it right now, he's under arrest for the alcohol thing."
And they take him away.